***BREAKING NEWS from RPHIVE.com
(APP) Philadelphia - Sources close to recently leaked intelligence have reported that Melania Trump is in fact a semi-sentient KGB android, code-named "Tsar Knockalips", who is holding the President's family hostage. Out of deep fear for that which he holds dearest, Trump Tower, as well as the offspring also carrying his name, President Trump is powerless but to do the Kremlin's bidding. If true, the venerable Wife of Mass Destruction ("WMD") represents the forefront of Post-Soviet Soviet subversion technology, carrying an experimental miniaturized 'Dirty Bomb' nicknamed "Bad Hombre" that the Defense Department had previously deemed implausible. "It's like he's been trying to tell us the whole time," said someone who we assume is named Charlie Gumble. The truly tragic part of the story is despite first hand knowledge that his third wife is in fact a robot, Trump continues to believe that Baron is his real son; consequently the only actual member of his family ever seen in public with Melania. Leaving some wondering why it is the President continues to steadfastly allow himself to be the victim of such maleficent coercion. We reached out to the Kremlin for comment, to which they replied: "This isn't the Kremlin." More on this story as it develops.
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